Trans Americans Celebrate and Mourn on the Transgender Day of Remembrance

This week, on Nov. 20, trans people across the US observed the Transgender Day of Remembrance (“TDoR,” for short). This annual memorial honors trans people who have died as a result of anti-trans bigotry and violence. Transgender Day of Remembrance founder, Gwendolyn Ann Smith, started the tradition as a vigil to honor the death of Rita Hester, a Black trans woman murdered in Massachusetts in 1998.

Last year, then President Biden released an official statement marking the date and condemning transphobic violence, as did the U.S. Department of State. This year, trans Americans are dealing with an entirely different treatment: an administration that has scrubbed government websites of references to trans people and falsely describes lifesaving gender-affirming care as “chemical and surgical mutilation.” In light of that, I asked trans Americans across fourteen different states to sum up how they felt this TDoR, be it somber, hopeful, or somewhere in between.

Here’s what they said.

Editor’s Note: Some quotes have been edited for clarity and length.

“That's today? Someone told me it was Saturday. Well, I can still light a candle and play a video of all the names on the official registry, in honor of the fallen.”

— Amber, a genderfluid transfem

“My life has been consumed with beginning my transition and the joy that it's brought, even considering The State of Things. … This is the first time in my life that I've had hope for the future.”

— Annika, a trans woman

“I'm cautiously optimistic. It seems like they've done about all they plan on doing here.”

— Andrea, a trans woman

“I'm in treatment for OCD. … Every time I look outside, I want to find a place to hide, even though I know that doesn’t solve things. I wish nothing but safety in the coming year for my community."

— A, a genderfluid trans man

“Honestly, I feel confident. We in the Northeast appear safer.”

— Ainsley, a trans woman

“Today, as always, I’m full of love and gratitude for all my transgender friends, my community, everyone who came before and will come after me. But I’m also feeling exhausted. … I still have to go to work every day knowing there are people who hate me for daring to be alive. I know we’ve come so far, and I know I’m incredibly privileged, and I’m going to keep going, but god I’m tired.”

— Erin, a nonbinary transmasc

“Tonight, I'm speaking at a memorial service for TDoR. I'm supposed to give a message of hope to end out the service because I'm the most peppy trans person in the area. …Truthfully, I don't feel hopeful, I feel hopeless.”

— Jackie, a transfem person

“I'm kind of angry and sad at the same time. I really felt like, when I was teen in the 2010s, that things were progressing. … Now, it feels like we're regressing.”

— Marceline, a trans woman

“Today, I remember David. He was my very good friend, who had to move back to rural Texas when he fell on hard times. He was a trans man I met just as he began his transition, who shared his milestones with me. He was an award-winning baker that would send me cookies in the mail, just because.

He disappeared three years ago. No sign. He went out and that was it. No chance at a goodbye. Just gone.

I loved him. He was a father loved by his daughter. His partner loved him. The wound of this vanishing has touched as many lives, as deeply, as he had. I hope you're in peace David, wherever you are."

— Taylor, a trans woman

“I’m thinking of my friends, and all the people I worked alongside at the state capitol this past legislative session. So many bills, so many testimonies, so much outreach and activism, and it feels like we barely made a dent. As much as I want to let the fear and hopelessness swallow me up, I have to keep fighting for a better future. Montana’s suicide rate is the highest in the country, and I worry if I stop doing the work, then there won’t be anyone else to do it in my stead.”

— Atlas, a trans man

“This TDoR has been…emotional? There’s so much shit going on … I’m very lucky to be in a situation with supportive loved ones and care teams... But several local organizations have temporarily closed or hired extra security due to the presence of ICE in several areas of my state, and a lot have also lost funding due to being queer-affirming. I ended up crying on the phone to my social worker’s voicemail because of the changes to food stamps and my confusion over them.”

— M., a trans man

“TL;DR: I’m pissed.”

— Patrick, a trans man

“This TDoR, I mourn the hope and joy I had early transition. When things started clicking in place, I finally saw a future for myself that I wanted; a future as a woman. Now, I feel that dream crumbling before me and have no idea what I could possibly do to stop it."

— Alexis, a trans woman

“I … have been back in the closet for nearly a year. So I will be here, hiding. Hopefully, it's a different story next year."

— Roz, a nonbinary person

Are you a trans American with thoughts to share about your experience of TDoR this year? For the next week, I’ll continue accepting submissions. If you’re interested in being included in the next round-up, you can respond directly to the newsletter email or DM me on Bluesky. Just be sure to include your first name, gender identity, and state along with your quote.

Special thanks to all of those who contributed to this story, even if your words weren’t included. Wishing every one of you a meaningful Trans Day of Remembrance.

Did you enjoy this story? Subscribe for free to get more stories like this, right in your inbox, or share it with a friend.